Just when you thought you'd heard it all - Ugly Chicken Blogging!

This has to be a first - Ugly Chicken Blogging. Just trying to be an innovator...and move up the ranks in Google searches. This is one of my son's chickens, a Transylvania Naked Neck hen (he actually has three of these unlovely critters - in varying colors.) The chickens are very utilitarian - hardy, good layers and good setters. If only they weren't so repulsive...

No words

This Lord of the Flies moment brought to you by Chicago-area middle schoolers. I wonder how they'll follow this up when they get to high school?

Good news for Buckeye gun owners

There's good news for Ohio gun owners in the upcoming race for Governor.

On the GOP side, race leaders Attorney General Jim Petro and Secretary of State Ken Blackwell both bring impressive pro-gun credentials to their campaigns. Also, Petro is expected to name Joy Padgett, a concealed carry sponsor, as his running mate.

On the Democrat side, pro-gunner and front-runner Ted Strickland gives gun owners some reason for hope. His choice of running mate is a concern, however - former Ohio Attorney General and Handgun Control Inc. Board Member Lee Fisher. Strickland faces off against two virulent anti gunners: State Sen. Eric Fingerhut and Columbus Mayor Mike Coleman. Remember Coleman? The guy who campaigned relentlessly for a Columbus assault weapons ban, which resulted in the NRA being forced to pull its national convention (and accompanying multi-million dollar windfall) out of the city?

It should be an interesting race. It's also nice that Ohio's success in implementing the concealed carry legislation (no, the streets are NOT running with blood, as had been predicted) gives the anti gunners no ammunition for the upcoming elections.

Full disclosure

In the interest of full disclosure, I offer up this picture, taken this summer, of me (back left) with cast members of "Driving Miss Daisy" and Ohio Gov. Bob Taft and his much-too-good-for-him wife, Hope Taft. Just for the record, I have never received money to write anything positive about the embattled governor (still haven't gotten your check, Bob.) And no, Jack Abramoff had nothing to do with this little junket (and you can't prove that he did, because the staged pictures with Jack were burned...I think.)

Actually, this little suaree cost me money because I had to get up early, go to the theater, perform the play in 90 degree temperatures for the Governor and his travel writer entourage, then come back later that night and do the play again for the regular paying folks.

I'm just not working this graft and corruption thing right.

A candidate for "worst jobs"

Have you ever caught that Discovery Channel's program about the world's worst jobs - current and historically? Remember the guy washing those new woolen garments in the pool of stale urine...for hours on end?

I think the revolving door of judges charged with presiding over Saddam Hussein's trial should at least get honorable mention on the show.

Yesterday, chaos exploded yet again in the court as the latest judge, Raouf Rasheed Abdel-Rahman, ejected one of Saddam's co-defendents and one of his lawyers for not playing nicely. Following that, Saddam's entire defense team walked out and Saddam followed with the obligatory "Down with America" quip.

The judges for this trial have been killed, bullied and threatened. They have to try to run a trial in which the defense's strategy is apparently to disrupt the proceedings ad infiinitum in hopes everyone will get so old they will have forgotten what the trial was about in the first place. It's a special kind of hell for judges, I think: sort of like that special hell for basketball referees where every game is coached by battlin' Bobby Knight and every player is Dennis Rodman.

I think Abdel-Rahman made a good start toward regaining control of the court. Anyone who disrupts the proceedings should be immediately removed - the more forcefully, the better. Focus fully on the witnesses to Saddam's atrocities and any defense witnesses who dispute that testimony and make sure Saddam shuts the hell up until it's his turn to speak. He's not a power broker in these proceedings - he's just another scumbag. If necessary, wheel him into the courtroom strapped to an appliance dolly complete with hockey mask and ball gag ala Hannibal Lecter.

It's not really like the outcome of the trial is in doubt, either. Let's see: firm evidence of hundreds of thousands killed and buried; tens of thousands turtured and raped; thousands of Kurdish men, women and children gassed. That's lots of evidence stacked against Saddam's "you have no right to try me!"

So, for the sake of international observers, Abdel-Rahman is obliged to sit in the court and endure the rhetorical and physical attacks against him, all for the sake of a megalomaniacal monster. Ain't life grand?

So come on Discovery Channel, throw the judge a bone here. It's little enough recognition for a thankless and perilous job.

Note to self

Note to self: Keep currently clumsy near-teen son away from museums that don't have glass between the exhibits and the public - I don't want this to happen. Related thought: I wonder if museums have a "you break it, you bought it" policy? Also, how much does priceless cost?

Perfect

Now THAT's what's missing...sound, reasoned representation in the Senate. Just when you think the Left can't get any whackier, up to the plate steps moonbat cleanup hitter Cindy Sheehan (last seen swapping spit with Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez.)

Update: One plus for her electability...she'll probably just camp on the lawn when she gets to Washington and save the voters all those housing expenses.

Shameless horse blogging

Here is a picture of a muddy and fuzzy horse, our 1-1/2 year old colt Tony. A favorite around the farm, Tony is a grandson of Zippo Pine Bar and is named Zippos Fancy Sombrero because he was born the day we took our Mexican foreign exchange student (Tony) to the airport for his flight home. He's a cutie and a sweetie, and we hope he will be the basis for our future paint horse breeding program.

Hamas: "We ain't a-changin'"

On the FoxNews website, Hamas says it will not change its tactics following its ascension to leadership of the Palestinian people.

Mushir al-Masri said renouncing the "armed struggle" and negotiating with Israel are "not on Hamas' agenda" because a decade of talking won the Palestinians nothing.

Axiom for Hamas to remember: "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." Don't expect the same measured responses from Israel to attacks now that you are in charge of the government, rather than hiding behind its skirts.

Sauron looms in Mordor; Walmart to open Tuesday

Framed in the background by the the Mordor-like steam rising from the Perry Nuclear Power Plant cooling towers, evil has come to my own little burg.

No, I'm not talking anything as paltry as the Dark Lord himself threatening 1,000 years of darkness. The anti-Christ's march over the land would be welcomed with balloons and flowers if it meant escaping this threat about to erupt in the northwest. Hell itself quakes in fear at the prospect of this bleak armageddon.

W-w-w-w-...I can't say it. Come to think of it, yes I can (mothers, cover the eyes and ears of your children)... Walmart opens Tuesday.

Oh, the wailing and the ululation! It's the end of the world as we know it. Dogs and cats, living together...mass hysteria - no wait, that's another movie. And not only a simple Walmart...gasp!...it's a SUPER Walmart! Black despair threatens an entire community...nay, county...nay, state...country...universe!

Except for those of us who shop there and like the low prices. Oh yeah, and the 300+ people who will have jobs at the new store. Well yeah, and the schools which will eventually get a big boost from the property tax revenue. Then there's the aging neighboring property owners who will be able to turn their farmland into big bucks when other stores inevitably cluster near the superstore.

They might even get jobs as greeters!

But doggone it, the union's not going to get anything out of this new store. Not single Walmart employee is going to get paid $25 an hour to push a broom for two hours of their eight-hour shift. And imagine, the employees are going to have to pay something for their health insurance, if they want it. Outrageous! Scandalous! Black despair again threatens to overwhelm me...

Billboards (paid for with union dues) line the four-lane road in front of the store, complete with a yellow smiley face urging residents not to shop with the devil (well, actually they said Walmart.)

Being the blasphemer I am, I will happily be one of the first customers through the door Tuesday. I might even buy something...Ha!

I'll go a step farther and predict little consequence for the truly local stores in this community. An ailing Kmart and an overpriced chain grocery store, both in a nearby plaza, will feel the pinch - I'd predict Kmart will be gone in six months. I'm sure that's predicted at the corporate level as well...while other local Kmarts have been revamped as part of the new Sears partnership, the local store remained stagnant. I don't think there will any negative effect on the local restaurants, auto parts stores, banks, tanning stores, carpet outlets or high-end clothes stores.

I DO wish Walmart would skew its stock toward U.S.-manufactured items instead of those made overseas. It might hurt the bottom line a little, but would go a long way toward repairing a blackened reputation.

I loved the one-stop shopping meccas of Meiers (when we lived in Michigan) and Biggs (when we lived in Cincinnati.) Now, Super Walmart has come to me.

Shopping with the devil? Sure . Just point me toward electronics and sporting goods and I'll be a happy camper.

Ride the tiger

What happens when you indoctrinate an entire culture with the idea that horrific, mindless violence is the way to express your displeasure with the movers and shakers of society?

Among the Palestinians, you have a democratic election immediately and chaotically followed by huge armed protests among the new power brokers, Hamas, with attempts to storm the parliament building and forcefully remove President Mahmoud Abbas. Escalating violence will almost certainly follow as Fatah resists relinquishing governmental control to the popularly-elected Hamas.

Adding to this volatile mix is an infusion of young people who have been raised to think self destruction in the act of killing one's enemies is an acceptable and honorable career track. I'm thinking rival Palestinian power brokers, now the enemies, will become just-as-attractive targets as busloads of Jewish schoolchildren.

The elevation of Hamas to preeminence is also expected to close the spigot on a lot of international aid which had been coming Palestine's way. I don't see the U.S. continuing to fund a government run by people who rank near the top of our terrorist list and European countries had been used to taking the glib Yasser Arafat at his word, while ignoring his deeds. There is no ignoring the despicable deeds of Hamas, credit for which has been eagerly claimed and widely trumpeted.

And the Palestinian voters bear their share of the blame for this impasse. How stupid do you have to be to vote into power the group dedicated to the destruction of the people with whom you're trying to make peace.? Do they not realize they exist only through Israel's continued forebearance? Do they really think they are a match for the Israelis militarily?

So you have an insanely furious tiger trying to be ridden by feuding Palestinian masters, both of whom have had their part in teasing the tiger into its current state. As funding dries up, the desperation of hunger will be added to the mix.

The only hope I see is for Hamas to abandon its core principles and commit to peace with the Israelis. I just can't picture that happening - Hamas is too invested in and convinced of the success of its anti-Israeli agenda.

Ride the tiger, Hamas, until you're unseated and eaten. Just remember, this mess is of your own making.

Musical accompaniment to the blasphemous cartoon...too cool!

This is the perfect accompaniment to the Danish cartoons of Allah and his ninja chicks.

Oh, to be an artist

• Ranting

I find myself this morning wishing to be an artist...or at least someone more artistically proficient than drawing stick figures.

It seems Muslims all over the place are Mad As Hell And Not Going To Take It Any More because a Danish newspaper has published cartoons depicting Allah in the newspaper. One of the cartoons apparently showed Allah as a cute little wild-eyed guy with a knife and a timebomb in his headress, flanked by two black-clad women.

Never have I been more proud of my Danish heritage.

Muslims in Denmark have been outraged for months. Now, Muslims in Baghdad have joined the howling outcry. It's blasphemy, they say, how can you publish cartoons depicting our long-dead head honcho from on high?

I say shut the hell up, put on your big boy pants (if they wear pants with those black dresses) and get over it. F**k 'em if they can't take a joke.

In a civilized society (Note to Muslims: I know this is all new to you) civil discourse often involves humor and cross-cultural commentary. Every culture takes its share of ribbing, so quit whining. For your information, I DO NOT accept that Allah is the end-all and be-all of divine guidance; I DO NOT accept that this figment of your collective cultural imagination has anything to do with guiding my life or destiny. So why should I care whether you consider it blasphemy to publish cartoon images of your mascot?

You want to join modern society? Then drop the demand that your host countries cater to your peculiar beliefs. Leave the stifling confines of your barbarous culture/religion and fully embrace the promise of an open society with freedoms for everyone and equality for women.

Thanks, Denmark, for being one of the few European countries to tell Allah's Archaic Army of Automatons to go piss up a rope.

Range time

Just back from the backyard shooting range with some reflections:

• Shooting

*It's impressive watching a water-filled plastic bottle explode upon the impact of a large caliber pistol bullet.

*It's perhaps more impressive to watch a clod of dirt the size of a softball go flying into the air at impact.

*The exchange students we've hosted, girls and boys, without exception, have been enthusiastic shooters during their stay here. Most outstanding memory: watching the five-foot-nothing, 100-pound German girl we hosted in 2001 blowing up pop bottles with a demonic grin and a pistol-grip shotgun. Our current German boy, Fabian, loves to shoot all manner of weapons and is a serious airsoft afficianado at home. We've taken him to the local skeet range for some clay pigeon shooting and done some bench shooting with .22s.

Today, he got to shoot some handguns: a Ruger SP101 .357 caliber revolver (loaded with .38 special ammo), a Sig Sauer P220 .45 caliber semi-auto and a Kimber CDPII .45 semi-auto. Fabian, son and heir Mason, and yours truly, the Rantmeister, combined to shoot about 150 rounds. There was some good-natured kidding as Fabian was unable to hit a pyramid of 5 cans despite emptying the revolver's chamber from about 15 yards. The Rantmeister, of course, downed the stack on his first shot.

Fabian liked the looks of the Kimber, but liked shooting the West Germany-made Sig better. The Kimber is kind of punishing on the hands - it's a lot of power packed into a little gun and has a sharply crosshatched backstrap. Son and heir is partial to the revolver.

Looking for my online image

Nice...demented

It's West Virginia north

Our farm is starting to look like West Virginia north.

Not West Virginia in the sense of multiple cars up on blocks with a couch and refrigerator on the front porch of our mobile home. No, our farm is being overrun with deer.

Yesterday, I counted 17 deer in our main hay pasture. Those were all does, too, mainly of breeding age. This warm winter has extended the breeding season so I'm sure every female deer has been bred...even last spring's fawns. In the early hunting season last year we had a rash of spotted beagle-sized deer - late season births to the previous year's fawns. That's combined with warm weather and a good crop of food in the woods to ensure a light winter kill, indicating we will have another bumper crop of births.

The warm, rainy weather depressed the state's 2005 deer kill, despite a huge population of animals. I killed my four deer limit, but took three of them at my father's farm, leaving the survivors at our farm to go forth and multiply. I could have killed 100 deer. Too many deer is bad for the environment and the herd - it results in weak deer and a forest with no undergrowth. In West Virginia, it got to the point where you could legally kill 7 deer a year, and the deer herd continued to increase.

It may be time for Ohio to consider liberalizing deer hunting harvest limits.

But was he on double-secret probation?

A Cleveland-area principal got himself into trouble for resume-padding when he failed to recognize the secret hadshake of a fraternity in which he claimed membership on his resume. I've just gotta wonder whether he was on double-secret probation anyway, and that was the reason for his quick departure.

Did they make him write "I Will Not Lie On My Resume" 500 times on the blackboard before they let him resign?

CLEVELAND (AP) — Busted!

A charter-school principal in Cleveland has resigned, after failing to recognize a secret handshake.

That's what tipped off the head of the school's advisory board that the principal might have lied about his background.

The advisory board leader, Tim Goler, had been a member of the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity. The principal, Lewis Thomas, claimed to have been a member as well.

But when Goler offered Thomas the fraternity's secret handshake, Thomas didn't recognize it.

Goler now says it turns out that much of Thomas' resume was false. Thomas denies that, and says he resigned for personal reasons.

Helen Thomas: Definition of irrelevant

Veteran journalist and "Where's the Beef" wannabe Helen Thomas got her nose out of joint today because President Bush ignored her palsied hand waving at the press conference and spared the watching throng the ravings of a onetime reporter now on the slippery slope to dementia.

Somebody call the waaaambulance!!!!!

It's about time Bush dropped the reverence and civility toward this decrepit crone. She symbolic of everything that's wrong with the mainstream media...she thinks she's a player in the national political picture, but reveals herself as an outmoded hasbeen struggling to maintain some importance. Boot her scraggly ass out of the White House and give the space to someone with no agenda except a compulsion to tell the truth.

Shameless plug for puppies

The latest litter of future champion puppies from Mandalay Collies...my sister's Cincinnati-area breeding and showing operation.

My sister, a collie breeder and shower of Herculean proportions, has a new litter of puppies at her Cincinnati-area business, Mandalay Collies. The litter includes eight puppies, some with smooth coats and some with rough coats. It also includes tri-colors and blue merles. Contact her through her website if you're interested.

New Koontz book due out May 30

I was browsing Amazon.com today and noticed there's a new Dean Koontz book, called "The Husband," due out May 30.

It seems to me, in his recent efforts Koontz has been trading quality for quantity...furiously churning out book after book of noticeably lesser quality than his earlier efforts. I've enjoyed the Frankenstein books and the Odd Thomas stories, but they cannot be compared in quality to "Twilight Eyes" and "Strangers." I hope "The Husband" is a return to his earlier style.

Reason number 2 why I love Ebay

I just finished scouring Ebay for some items I robotically and routinely hope will eventually show up (because everything eventually shows up on Ebay, doesn't it?)

Those items include:

*The television series "Strange Luck."
*Cincinnati radio station WEBN's local compilation album from the 1980s which included the surf punk band Blanco Nombre and the Babettes (I think it's the only thing they ever recorded.)
*The British television series "The Champions."
*Mercyhurst College memorabilia.

Well, I crossed item #1 off that list today, thanks to a seller in Australia. I've been looking for "Strange Luck" for years...all I could find from Amazon was a "related searches" page. The series dealt with a main character, Chance Harper, played by D.B. Sweeney, whose life was marred by instances of extreme luck - both good and bad. It was a really cool premise and show, which, like so many other "deep" shows, died an untimely death.

In case you were wondering, reason number 1 why I love Ebay is that it lets me unload some of our stuff to other unsuspecting stuff buyers.

Little Red Corvette

The latest "which are you quiz"...initial link provided by Instapundit. I think I could've predicted my results.

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

The cleanout continues

I've decided we have too much stuff.

We have stuff everywhere in this house. There's stuff we rarely use, stuff we might use in a pinch, stuff that's stuffed into other stuff which will never see the light of day and stuff that seems to have spontaneously popped into existence, because we have to idea where it came from. We have old stuff and new stuff, tried stuff and true stuff...green stuff and blue stuff...Help! I'm channeling Dr. Seuss!!!

So I'm trying to spread the stuff to other people through the wonders of Ebay, trying to narrow the gap between the stuff-haves and the stuff-have-nots. A link to the current Nielsen offerings is here.

Go there. Buy. Free the stuff from its crowded hovel. Dr. Seuss will thank you for it.

Off into the sunset

Cruising out of Fort Lauderdale on the behemoth Carnival Liberty was our introduction to cruising. We waited in a lot of lines, left a couple hours later than scheduled, but this part was very cool.

On cruising

I'm (mostly) recovered now from the killer cold I brought back from our cruise to the Eastern Carribbean, and have some quick observations:

*Cruises are great places to eat, gamble and sun bathe.
*They are not such great places to actually see the areas you're visiting. The 5-7 hour stops are not enough time to enjoy the islands.
*Self-directed shore excursions, as opposed to those planned by the cruise line, are much better. Our scuba trip in Antigua and snorkeling day in Tortola were far superior to the ship-offered scuba trip in St. Thomas, USVI.
*You sure-as-hell DO know you're on a ship the entire time. Particularly when you're bouncing around in 20-foot seas and every second person on board has seasick medication patches behind their ears (thankfully, none of our party needed medication or got seasick.)
*The stateroom with a window/deck is worth the extra money...having no window sucks.
*The service is first rate at all levels.

I also got a lesson in cruiseline economics...and how "all-inclusive" really isn't the whole picture. I'll write more about that later.

Best experience: Snorkeling with the clouds of fish, pelicans and tarpon in Tortola.

Worst experience: The squalor of St. Thomas. I thought about the Antigua scuba trip (and finding out you really can puke repeatedly through your regulator 30 feet underwater and still survive) but decided that was a great learning experience.

From the father of a boy

There has been a growing buzz for the last few months over emerging research that boys are falling behind girls in terms of educational achievement, running all the way from kindergarten to grad school. Newsweek joined the chorus with this month's issue, claiming educators are trying new things to help boys succeed.

I have a stake in this because I have one of those boys. He's in seventh grade, is brilliant (not just from his dad...IQ scores back this up) and is in danger of having his love for learning extinguished by our award-winning local school district. He's a science enthusiast who's getting near-failing marks in science ("He's way above me in science," his teacher confided to my wife and I at parent-teacher conferences in December); he's a history buff who had a failing midterm report in social studies; he's a lover of good books (including Ender's Game, Winterdance and The Sword of Shannara) who has trouble completing an English book report.

He's a visual learner and a concept learner. He's a critical and surprisingly deep thinker. He's a painfully awkward square peg who doesn't fit well into the round holes provided by public school academia.

He's a boy who can tell you the mechanics of why civilizations rise and fall, but he can't remember a list of specific historical dates for a test. He can lucidly discuss money and economics, but can't remember the name of the 13th President (Millard Fillmore.) He's sloppy and disorganized and has been called stupid more than once by people who are challenged to even spell the word.

Once he learns a concept, it's unneccessary to repeat it and repetition quickly leads to boredom. He's a completely different animal from his equally-bright younger sister, the social savant who's been on the all-As honor roll practically since she was a zygote.

So why should they be taught in the same manner or expected to perform in the same manner?

Because that's the way the schools have decided to direct their efforts. They favor repetition and detail over concept and critical thinking. Much of the year is spent teaching test-specific material for the standardized evaluations at the expense of a more well-rounded and far-reaching education. The teaching establishment's response to demands for accountability has been to teach less, but concentrate on proficiency testing material to bolster the image of the school district when scores are released to the public. School funding levies are much more easily swallowed by the public when taken with the "teaspoon of sugar" of superior test results.

And so we're back to teaching via the repetition of details because it's efficient for the schools. It hurts boys, however, who learn best in a hands-on, slightly more chaotic environment. A cynical person might observe that through test teaching, the schools get maximum Public Relations gain for minimal effort. So we send a army of factoid-burpers on to college for thinking remediation, and we dumb down the college entrance tests to mask the decline in scores.

The solution has to lie in more competition for the public schools and alternate curriculum paths to teaching besides the college of education.This may have the additional benefit of ending the National Education Association's (NEA) stranglehold on meaningful educational reform. Of course, this is a longterm solution and our son will have graduated before any change bears fruit.

So for now, we're considering homeschooling and researching private school options. We're doing what we can to encourage his love of learning, working to offset the damage done by the public schools.