Oh, to be an artist

• Ranting

I find myself this morning wishing to be an artist...or at least someone more artistically proficient than drawing stick figures.

It seems Muslims all over the place are Mad As Hell And Not Going To Take It Any More because a Danish newspaper has published cartoons depicting Allah in the newspaper. One of the cartoons apparently showed Allah as a cute little wild-eyed guy with a knife and a timebomb in his headress, flanked by two black-clad women.

Never have I been more proud of my Danish heritage.

Muslims in Denmark have been outraged for months. Now, Muslims in Baghdad have joined the howling outcry. It's blasphemy, they say, how can you publish cartoons depicting our long-dead head honcho from on high?

I say shut the hell up, put on your big boy pants (if they wear pants with those black dresses) and get over it. F**k 'em if they can't take a joke.

In a civilized society (Note to Muslims: I know this is all new to you) civil discourse often involves humor and cross-cultural commentary. Every culture takes its share of ribbing, so quit whining. For your information, I DO NOT accept that Allah is the end-all and be-all of divine guidance; I DO NOT accept that this figment of your collective cultural imagination has anything to do with guiding my life or destiny. So why should I care whether you consider it blasphemy to publish cartoon images of your mascot?

You want to join modern society? Then drop the demand that your host countries cater to your peculiar beliefs. Leave the stifling confines of your barbarous culture/religion and fully embrace the promise of an open society with freedoms for everyone and equality for women.

Thanks, Denmark, for being one of the few European countries to tell Allah's Archaic Army of Automatons to go piss up a rope.