Meant what she said...said what she meant

I’ve had cause to reflect the last few weeks, during Doc-wife’s job search, on the difficulties in communication between people.

We have a common language, somewhat common cultural background and perhaps even a shared generational outlook…so how come simple declarative sentences such as “I’m not happy working under these conditions and, if they don’t improve, I’ll find work elsewhere” can become shrouded in such layers of mystery?

Case in point: Doc-wife had been telling her present company for six months that some aspects of her job are unacceptable…not only for her, but for patient care, liability and staff morale. She told them again when she went to the corporate offices to discuss the company’s desire to renew her contract. Even when she tendered her resignation letter, effective, per her contract, 120 days from submission, they attempted to pat her on the head and to smooth her ruffled feathers.

What she said: “I’m not happy and will look elsewhere.”

What they heard: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, I’m whining for more money, blah, blah, blah.”

There was a fundamental disconnect in the way the two parties viewed that simple statement. One was straightforward and the other was through a connotative lens that turned the words into some kind of gambit in the game of contract negotiation. That has to be why the corporate people have been hounding her for the last two weeks with the attitude of “c’mon, what do you really want?”

They say they had no idea that she was unhappy, and in that they may be telling the truth; seen through the corporate lens, all of her messages may have been viewed as nothing more than moves in the game. If that’s true, then nothing this company does or could ever do should entice her to return. They’re pitting themselves against their employees, and the validity of criticism and chance for improvement is sacrificed by people most interested in getting the best of their workers at the negotiation table.

Now they’re promising her all kinds of things…things they specifically and emphatically said were off the table when she drove down to corporate for a meeting the week before Thanksgiving. Of course, working where she does, she’s seen a lot of this spontaneous repentance: “I’m sorry, baby…I swear I’ll never hit you again…I didn’t mean those things I said…just come back to me and everything will be alright.”

I think the model of her new company is much to be preferred: “Here are the very-high qualifications for whom we hire and this is what we pay everyone…if you like it, great, we’d love to have you.” Though generous, the contract terms are not really flexible…leaving no room for the game players, the wiggly middle men and the cheats.

It’s the American Way..straight-talkin’, straight-shootin’ and nary a nuance to be seen. It makes communication a lot easier when everyone takes the words at face value rather than trying to seek advantage in some perceived meaning behind them.