The Nielsen Plan

So the “compromise” touted by Senators Reid and Frist has fallen through, huh? New definition of compromise: minority power gets everything it wants, majority gives ground and is prevented from amending.

Those whacky conservatives are the problem…they keep insisting on things like felons and multiple-misdemeanor convicts not being placed on the path to citizenship. The unreasonably insist that people who break our laws should not be rewarded for their dubious initiative. They want the US borders to mean something and have absolutely no interest in rolling out the red carpet for the “huddled masses yearning to break our laws” performing a slow invasion on our southwestern states.

Many lawmakers have attacked the idea of border enforcement as unfeasible. “Can’t build such a fence…can’t be done,” they say. So enforce penalties against people who employ illegal aliens, say critics; you shut off the jobs and you shut off the flow of illegal visitors to our country seeking them. Can’t do that either, the nattering nabobs of negativism intone, that’ll kill businesses or force higher prices.

Well, in the spirit of compromise so in vogue among our legislative betters, I offer The Nielsen Compromise…conceived in anonymity and dedicated to the proposition that all things being equal, I’d rather be in Tortola.

High points of my plan:

• More border enforcement to minimize threats from terrorist entry
• Let employers hire whoever they want to pick their lettuce, *but:*
• Minimum wage enforced across the board…no cash-and-carry employment
• Employers must provide low-deductible healthcare for all “undocumented” employees and their families, thereby easing the burden of uncompensated healthcare
• They must also pay Workers Compensation Insurance fees for all workers
• No path to citizenship for people here illegally…citizenship can only be granted through the traditional route.
• Immigration quota increased and priority for immigration to include criteria for education and job skills; allotment does not favor Mexico over all other countries.

So, there it is…a workable solution. Oh, I forgot…we’re not looking for a workable solution…we’re looking for a feelgood message, not any real change. You see, the businesses employing illegals like their supply of cut-rate labor. The legislators like the wheelbarrow-loads of cash they get from businesses to keep the illegals flowing. The Democrats like looking the other way, hoping an amnesty will shore up the declining ranks of their supporters. Government is…well…government, and couldn’t efficiently enforce a policy on opening a can of Spam, much less immigration.

Here’s a tip, government-type dudes: The internet has made your little feelgood gestures transparent…they’re shredded as fast as they’re conceived. Discussion of the Important Topics of The Day no longer depends on the mainstream press, either…your gatekeeper is obsolete. Don’t bring us an amnesty wrapped up with meaningless platitudes about border enforcement and expect us to believe you.

The key to operating in this new age is honesty and efficiency…something our current government players know precious little about.