Ronald McDonald takes one for the team

The more the Cartoon Wars nonsense goes on, the more cartoonish it gets.

Yesterday, Ronald McDonald entered the fray. Ronald, that well-known icon of Danish culture, was pummeled and set on fire in Pakistan by Muslims who are mad ostensibly because a Danish newspaper printed cartoons of Allah and Mohammed. Rioters also trashed Ronald’s home restaurant.

They’re lucky Mayor McCheese and the Hamburgler weren’t in town…they’d have kicked those Muslims’ butts all the way back to the holes from which they crawled. And the Fry Guys? Forget it . The crowds would have run screaming in terror. I know they always made me a little nervous – they were spidery-looking, moved jerkily and always talked in gibberish.

Even better, let’s see the rioting Muslims take on a Wendys restaurant. The idea of that “Where’s the Beef” lady mowing them down like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando brings warmth to my heart. They’re pretty tough when taking on an insipid clown…let’s see how they stack up against the REAL fast food icon!

Of course the real question is: What does America have to do with any of this cartoon nonsense? I mean I’m proud to stand alongside Denmark as the object of Muslim outrage and all, but in this case I think we’re included just because we’re always on the Muslim Protest Dance Ticket. It’s sort of like the well-past-their-prime professional athletes who keep making the all-star teams…it just wouldn’t be the same without them.

And, of course, the famous Little Mermaid in Copenhagen wasn’t available for the Muslims to deface.

We can hardly get any of our mainstream media to even show the bland Danish cartoons which are being blamed for starting the “cartoonfada,” as some bloggers have termed it. When shown, media has gone so far as to pixelate the cartoon, like it’s porn or something, to spare the sensitivities of the poor Muslims. Yet it’s still Down with America…Death to the Great Satan…Behead Bush…yadda yadda yadda.

So Ronald took one for the team, the Muslim crowds (stirred by their religious leaders) seethe and rampage, and the “kinder, gentler” nations of the world look for some way to get along. Hey world? Your Muslim baby’s throwing a hissy fit…you don’t reward it by apologizing or giving in on free speech issues, that only encourages worse behavior in the future. Have you never had kids or pets? Don’t you know how to deal with bullies?

Sheesh! Grow up world and stop the sniveling. Realize what issues and fundamental liberties are at stake in appeasing this run on freedom of speech..

And hey, Muslims? Take it easy on Ronald, okay? If not, we’re going to unleash the “Where’s the Beef?” lady and, trust me, you don’t want to be around for that.